Reconnect to your Core
a practical guide on how to feel good and be happy

What «Integrity» really means

True integrity is the awareness of the intrinsic value of other human beings. Once this awareness gets integrated, it becomes obvious what to do and what to say to people, because it’s obvious how your actions are going to affect others, writes Hemon. Non-integrous people lack this empathic ability. To them, others are means to an end or tools they can use in order to achieve their narcissistic aims.

Integrity also means that you’re not answerable to other people. The obsessive-compulsive approval-seeker doesn’t understand this, therefore he thinks he needs to answer to other people and thus he walks around all day worried about what other people might think of him. When physical survival is the most important goal in life, then it makes perfect sense to be obsessed about getting along with others and with being liked, because those things are closely related to the survival instinct of the reptilian brain.

According to Hemon an integrous person lives life with a higher goal in mind than mere survival, and he’s not franticly clinging to desired outcomes. He does each act for its own sake, not in order to impress others but because each action is aligned with a higher intention. He says something because the intention is to make other people happy, not to get them to like him. He knows that stating the intention behind actions, as well as admitting that mistakes could be due to unconscious intentions that he’s willing to accept, is what leads to intimate healthy relationships and integrity. He’s so comfortable with his animal dark side that he’s able to comment loud on the ego and make jokes about it. And he’s aligned with truth, because truth is a spiritual value he would like to cultivate, not because he wants to «appear» to be a good guy or play some reaction-seeking game.

An integrous person treats people as if they’re strong and independent and lets them sink or swim in response to the natural responsibility that he’s giving them (and which after all are theirs to begin with). He has dropped his expectations of others since he has realized that people are not like him at all, and he knows that it’s only when you see people as they truly are that you have the ability to truly love them. Thus integrity deals with appreciation of context above content.

Ultimately an integrous person is a person who wants to know people’s essence so that he may choose who he wants to relate to, bond with, and love.

The article above is an excerpts from Chapter 14 in Reconnect to your Core.

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